When Tuesday morning came and all those still attending school got back up at an ungodly hour to eat breakfast, get their books in order, and dressed, I still slept. But not long after children got on their various buses and college students rolled out of their dorms/apartments/or onto the train, I awoke. I rose at a time where I’d normally be rushing up the stairs to catch the train to Philly in order to make my early class. I’d be all jitters wondering how this semester was going to fair and what abundance of homework would I be dealing with. Would I be happy with my classes? Would I be in for a real learning experience or had I placed myself in a class where the teacher just wanted us to pass and move on? I looked at my cell phone for the time where I’d normally have already been on the move to start my day and felt a wave of sadness.
I feel funny not going to school. I had off from my job Tuesday so I took my car in for inspection and bought some stuff to make lunches/dinners for me and the boyfriend. The only people present at the market were elderly and mothers. A real enormous wave of confusion and disatisfaction came rolling over me and I felt distressed. I miss school. I miss learning new things every three months, winter break, spring semester, summer break, fall semester, repeat. I want to go back to graduate school and continue my education. Preferably in a field of interest as Photography was when I sent my application to UArts my senior year of high school.
I wake up relatively early every day and sometimes I get out and children are still waiting for their buses with their moms or dads by their sides. I remember when my mom used to stand with me during my elementary school days. I remember faking sick so I wouldn’t have to go(or try to not go…) and delicious lunchable prepared lunches that came from the refrigerator aisle in the market or pb and j sandwiches with a juice box….But I am all grown up now. After being since preschool/school since I was 3 years old, I am not any more. I wish I was still going, I feel like I was tossed out too early. I needed to incubate just a tiny bit more before I started out on the cruel world.
I know people can relate to me. I know my friends can. It is one of the oddest feelings I’ve ever felt. Now I have to become my own teacher until I decide when I will attend grad school and for what. I never want to stop learning, creating, or imagining.