Ever since I graduated from college I have been trying to achieve something, get somewhere, and it is always in a rush. Rush, Rush, Rush. Sometimes I forget how old I am and think there is so little time left for me to achieve my dreams. I thought when I graduated I had enough credentials, enough education, enough experience to simply say, “Hey World! I am ready, come get me!” I’ve had plenty of time! I’ve been in school since I was 3! Now I am 23! I have been learning all my life and I went to college to get a degree that I presumed would put me in the right spot on the list of desirable people to hire, and I worked hard in college to create a portfolio that I believed to be up to par and eye catching.
Now as I have been writing this I’ve completely lost my train of thought. That didn’t take long considering how many sentences I just wrote. Yeesh. This happens every time I sit down to write about my plans, any thing I want to make concrete someday. My head just fills up and then my mind is swimming in a flood of worries, anxieties, and hopes.
But I am trying to prove myself here. It gets frustrating sometimes. I don’t want to say the wrong thing and someone who is interested backs away because what I wrote sounded slightly insane. Or I don’t want it to appear that I am sharing too many of my emotions and people wonder if this is a photography blog or a diary. There is alot rushing around in my skull cavity. Thinking too much becomes a problem.
When I was younger I would never have thought achieving a dream could be so difficult, because when I was younger everyone told me that dreams were limitless like stars in the sky. “Reach for the stars!” And although I believe that every dream is possible to achieve, with age I have learned that one must shed alot of tears(in private of course), fears, and any sort of pride. I have yet to shed all of my fears and I never considered myself full of pride, but the tears part I got hands down. I’ll keep reaching for the stars, no doubt about it, and hoping that someone up there may throw me down a very long rope to climb or a gigantic ladder to scale. But in my mind the material depends on the difficulty of the dream. Ropes are alot harder to climb than ladders. And I need to stop rushing head first into a brick wall and instead make observation on how to get over the wall. Rushing will only lead to a faulty system while time builds a foundation.